The Musings of Isabelle Lightwood
by DemigodsRule
Summary: This was just my take on how Isabelle would feel about falling in love. To me, she doesn't seem like the type to fall in love and would probably have a very deep rooted fear of it. We all know her past history with guys, so enough said. It's just a one shot so give it a try. :3 please R


Simon. The name that was forever on the tip of Isabelle Lightwood's tongue. She simply couldn't understand why her mind was so focused on that puny little vampire. Even when he was a mundane, he was always there in the recesses of her mind; just staring, not condescendingly, but with such concern and interest. "Just like in real life," she mused to herself.

There was just something about his nature. He always seemed so caring and genuinely interested in her feelings and how events affected her. No one had ever stopped to consider how she felt about things, especially the death of her younger brother Max. That was like a hit below the belt to her entire family, she knew. The loss was like nothing any of them had ever felt before. They had seen friends die before their eyes and even in their arms, but this, this was like losing a limb. Isabelle was a trained shadow hunter, born to kill demons and deal with whatever stresses and heartache came with it. She had never felt so powerless before. And there was Simon laying a comforting hand on her shoulder as if he had just gone through a similar problem, as if it were nothing the two of them couldn't figure out together. In only a short amount of life she thought she had felt all she could. Every emotion she could imagine, except love and this deep aching loss. And then Simon came in, nothing but a hopeless fledgling vampire, weak as a human being yet even weaker as a new born down worlder. He had never killed a demon with his bare hands, never watched a friend die before his eyes, what did he know about her? And yet he had such insight into her mind it was scary. It was as if he had known her forever. Where did he get such insight?

He was rather boring when she thought about it. Just a typical geeky guy in love with his best friend like most guys with low self-esteem. He had dreams of becoming a rock star and achieving instant fame and fortune. Typical. Not for the first time, Izzy wondered what it was that she found so fascinating about Simon Lewis.

He was everything she wasn't looking for, the plain, ordinary, and average. Isabelle strove for the weird, outlandish, and generally menacing, a behavior that Alec considers a desperate cry for attention. Maybe it was. She did enjoy the spot light on her. For any reason, it's why she dressed the way she did and constantly aimed for perfection. She reflected on some of the men of her past. There had been ghosts, werewolves, faeries, and even a young warlock. None of them, she knew, wanted her because she spoke her mind. They all wanted one thing and she was fine with it because she only wanted thing as well. The rush, the rush that came with being with someone dangerous, more importantly being seen with someone dangerous made a girl much more desirable. The thrill of it all, being shown off in ditzy down world bars and pubs, the satisfaction of walking into a room and knowing you were instantly hated. It made her dizzy with desire and passion.

Isabelle had never been in love before and wasn't sure what to expect. Would she feel lighter with relief and joy? Would she be happier? She wasn't really one to look for love because she saw how stable and strong her mother was, standing alone and solitary yet still managing to maintain control. Even if the happy marriage between her mother and father was nothing but a sick joke, the control her mother exerted over others was real. Isabelle longed to have that control and to master it, but with Simon she felt on equal footing. Showing dominance didn't matter. All that mattered was being with him. She knew she would be willing to do just about anything for Simon; a feeling of loyalty so fierce it began to scare her had emerged. She shuddered at the thought.

She and Simon had only been seeing each other for a few weeks now. She refused to consider it dating, she didn't want to imply more commitment and emotion than was necessary. She was indeed attracted to him, even more so because he was a vampire. This made him forbidden fruit and the Mark of Cain just added to the deliciousness of the chase.

However, she couldn't deny a certain sense of fear of falling in love with him. She tried to hide it and appear her usual confident and flirtatious self, but she couldn't help but draw away from him in public places. She couldn't bring herself to hold his hand or kiss him publicly because she knew it would draw out too much emotion and she would fall. Or had she already fallen? Another concern of Isabelle's was if she were to pursue a committed relationship could Simon even handle it? She had known from the moment she had laid eyes on him that he was or at least had once been deeply in love with Clary. Having been best friends for so long how could you not eventually fall for the one closest to you, the one that understood you, and would always be by your side? This was yet another reason Isabelle tried to make close friends. She wanted to avoid that feeling of obligation, the thought of being tethered to another being was revolting. She was only sixteen, she needed her freedom after all.


End file.
